He's A Nightmare, Honestly!
by The BookOwl Who Lived
Summary: So, *sits down and grabs tea* what happens when Ron doesn't pick on Hermione, but Harry in that charms class in 1st year? What if Harry and Hermione switched personalities? What if it's not the Golden Trio, but the Golden Quintet? Introducing OC Tiffany Taylor (Check my profile for her info) and Audrey Winters! (Who belongs to AProudSlytherpuff)
1. Mortal Mammoth Appendages

**He is a Nightmare, Honestly!**

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 **Summary:** **It is charms class for the Hogwarts class of 1991, with some mean insulting and Drama… welcome, OCs Tiffany Taylor and Audrey Winters, to the Wizarding World.**

 **Main Characters: HP, TT, AW, HG, RW & Troll.**

 **Disclaimer: I do NOT own Harry Potter, thank you very much.**

 **Hermione and Harry switched 80% of their personalities.**

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The first years exited the Transfiguration classroom in a huge clump. Harry had his head in a book and Ron and Hermione were complaining about how McGonagall took points off for them two being late for class, Hermione blabbing stupid excuses about getting lost, which Harry thought was an extremely simple problem to solve. Harry wished they would just shut up about it, but was too shy to tell them. Luckily, Tiffany and Dean did it for him as they, too, were annoyed to death. He knew that logic explained that if your school is in a massive castle and it is your first day and likely to get lost, you should head out fifteen minutes early in case one gets lost. Tiffany shared the same logic but headed out ten minutes early instead of fifteen. He could not blame her; she as much better at finding things than he.

"Hello, Tiffany," greeted Audrey Winters, a brilliant Hufflepuff girl in their year. "Your Gryffindor tie is loose, did you know?"

Tiffany looked down at her tie and said "Welp, gotta fix that, don't I?" and grinned.

"Hey, Harry, what are you reading?" teased Audrey. She snatched the book, still holding the page he was on and chuckled. " _Hogwarts, a History_. Well, well!"

"Hey! It is _extremely_ fascinating! Did you know that the name ' _Hogwarts'_ was Rowena Ravenclaw, a founder's idea!? She believed that a Hoggy Wart- wait, no that's not right- a _Warty Hog_ , for goodness-sake, led her to this place, this cliff over a lake? I bet you didn't know that." retorted Harry.

Tiffany ruffed his already unruly hair and laughed "As much as I strongly encourage you to read, don't get me wrong, I like reading as well, I don't however, recommend reading in an extremely busy hallway where you can bump into people and get your glasses smashed, because that happened to me before. It was NOT fun-"

Too late. Harry rammed straight into Ron, who screamed like a little child who stubbed his toe on some candle wax (which barely hurts). Ron fell backward onto Tiffany who dodged, therefore Ron had crashed into Audrey who dodged, then Hannah, another Hufflepuff, who crashed into Tiffany, who this time, could not dodge the falling human. Harry toppled onto the ground, round glasses broken and pouting.

He lifted his wand to his glasses, which were shattered on the ground and defiantly enchanted " _Oculus Reparo!_ "

"Fine." Harry crossed his arms with the book inside them, getting up off the cold, hard, ground.

Audrey snatched the book (again) and sniggered "There are better uses to this heavy book than reading!" and dropped the book on Ron's foot.

Hermione Granger, an easy-going girl who recently put a hair straightening charm on herself, burst into laughter as Audrey gave the book back before Ron could process (or realize, for the matter) what heavy object had suddenly dropped on his foot while he was busy complaining.

"Okay Audrey, that is maybe, just maybe, a better use of the book than reading" chuckled Harry, watching Ron hop and sway all around the hallway in random directions, clutching his foot and howling.

"Still, you should not read in the halls." Tiffany persisted.

Harry huffed, declared that he was 17 seconds late for Charms and stalked off, robes billowing out behind him.

"Mental, that one," grumbled Ron, still clutching his sore foot.

In Charms, the class was learning the levitation spell, _Wingardium Leviosa_. A certain idiot redhead could not understand the pronunciation, so a raven-haired nerd really couldn't stop himself from correcting the idiot.

"You could really take someone's eye out. It's Levi **O** sa, not Levios **AAAAAAA**. Make the _gar_ nice and long."

'Then you do it then, if you're so clever!"

Harry sent Ron an emerald green glare, rolled his eyes and chanted " _Wingardium Leviosa!_ "

Tiffany narrowed her eyes in concentration and flawlessly copied his hand-motion.

Audrey rolled her eyes in exasperation and sent her feather into the air with so much force it hit the ceiling. Fortunately, it did not break, unlike a certain idiot's.

Professor Flitwick almost fell off his stack of tomes in excitement and announced: "Mr. Potter, Miss Winters, and Ms. Taylor have done it!"

Hermione clapped along with Parvati and Lavender. The Slytherins were bored. One cut her feather in two. Another wondered if she could ask professor Flitwick for another one to make earrings. Ron was extremely infuriated and took to badmouthing Harry for correcting him.

"He's a nightmare, honestly. I mean who ever says, ITS LEVI **OOOO** SA, NOT LEVIOS **AAAAAAAAA**!" He barely saw Harry barreled past him, knocking over poor Seamus also didn't hear Audrey say, "Halt, halt, halt! You're gonna take a mortal's oculus out with your mortal, mammoth, appendages!"

Not that Ron could understand that.

 **(A/N: translation: Stop, stop, stop! You're gonna take a human's eye out with your deadly, massive arms!)**

Hermione glanced over her shoulder and whispered hurriedly "Yo I think he heard you, Ron."

Ron turned to look at the retreating back of the stumbling figure of the object of his teasing. He shrugged and muttered "pathetic".

The same retreating form threw a punch at Seamus, who looked quite bullied.

He took it back. "That kid's dangerous."


	2. Oh Mon Dieu!

He's a Nightmare, Honestly! Ch 2

" _Your house will be like your family…"_ said Professor McGonagall a month ago. The words echoed in Harry's head at this moment, when he was running down a hallway trying not to cry. Ronald Weasley and Her- my- one (he honestly didn't know how to pronounce her name) seemed most Dursleyish at the moment. He thought he was not going to be bullied at Hogwarts, where everyone was like him. He did not expect to be a freak in the wizarding world as well. Apparently, people had something against being _intelligent_ of all things! Or maybe it was because he was ugly. That had to be it. Harry never really cared about what he looked like, but he never expected anyone to judge him for it.

He entered the boys' lavatory, went on tiptoe and looked at himself in the mirror. Seriously. Why are mirrors placed this tall? He could see why people thought him to be ugly. He was extremely short, for one. Ronald towered over him (which made him mildly scared). Plus, he was overly light. His hair does not lie flat and his round glasses plus his baggy clothes make him look like a total nerd. Thank god school uniforms existed. Tired with his reflection, he straight up punched the mirror. The glass shards shattered to the ground and clutched his knuckles in pain, watching as a lone droplet of blood reached the flagstone flooring. He knew he was hyperventilating, but did nothing to stop it. His closing throat was drowning him, making him feel dizzy.

A lone tear dripped down his face and joined the drop of blood on the floor.

It was a symbol of the torments reaching his ears from the mouths of peers, classmates and his wretched relatives. The one tear started a flood of other tears, for every insult ever thrown at him. Soon he was a sobbing shaking mess on the floor, curled in a ball against the wall with his head in his arms.

" _Nightmare… Know- It- All… disappointment… over- sensitive… wimp"_ joined " _Freak… worthless nothing… shame… not deserving of love… orphan... Freak… freak… freak…"_ in a voice like Uncle Vernon and Ron Weasley in Harry's head to shout at him. Now he starts to believe it.

He attempted wiping at his eyes and glanced at his watch. He was definitely going to miss the Hallowe'en feast.

The _Hallowe'en_ feast.

Only then did Harry remember that his parents died this day. Another wave of pure agony hit him like a brick wall and he starting crying his eyes out all over again. " _Dammit, i'm really turning into a girl… wailing my eyes out over everything…_ "

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At the Feast, Ron and Hermione were having a rather fabulous time, stuffing their faces.

That was ruined when Hermione noticed that a certain SOMEONE that a certain SOMEONE *cough* Ron *cough* had bullied was not present.

"Where's Harry?" Asked Hermione.

"Oh." said a sympathetic Neville. "He's in the bathroom, crying. All because of you, Ron. he wouldn't listen to me when i called for him. I reckon he didn't even notice me."

Hermione was out of her seat in a split second.

"Where are you going, Hermione?" asked Ron.

"Harry doesn't know about that darn troll."

"Ok then. I'll come."

* * *

"HARRY! MOVE!" shrieked Her- her- Her- What now? Oh! Hermione! Huh? Why did he need to mo-

"OH MON DIEU!" screamed Harry. " _Woah, so reading the French dictionary DID have an impact on oral speech! Better research that later."_ thought Harry somewhere in the back of his head.

(Author's Note: 'Oh Mon Dieu' means 'OH my God in French. And yeah, this Harry reads a variety of different dictionaries and TheSauruses as a hobby. Another hobby of his in this fic is violin. Woah.)

"Bless you," said a very baffled Ron.

"C'est Français," said a Tiffany who was rolling her eyes.

"Bless you?" inquired a now slightly worried Ron.

"What is a troll doing in here?" asked Her-Mi- On- e. "Was it not supposed to be in the freaking dungeon?"

"Language!" reprimanded a very scared and very annoyed Harry.

"How am I supposed to know?" bellowed Ron.

Just then, the troll decided to take a swing at a cubicle, sending bits of turquoise wood pieces everywhere. Harry ducked behind a sink and decided it was relatively safe in the area, but then the troll took a swing for that sink. Hermione, in a fit of recklessness, and in Harry's honest opinion, stupidness, jumped on top of the troll and stuck her wand up its nose. The troll proceeded to swing her around by her feet, making her bushy hair puff out more than ever before.

"Do something!" she screamed.

"What?" shouted Ron.

"Anything!" shrieked a now immensely dizzy Hermione.

Harry got an idea. "Swish and flick!" he ordered Ron.

"Wingardium LeviOsa!" The troll's club left it's hand and bonked its head. The troll fell to the ground, dropping Hermione along the way, who landed on Tiffany.

"Ow! Hermononucleosis! Your butt is in my face!" screamed Tiffany. (subtle AVPM|S|SY reference there!)

Just then Audrey appeared in the doorway with McGonagall, Quirrell and Snape. Ron glared at her for bringing Snape but she just smirked in return, twirling a short strand of brown to blonde ombre hair. (An experiment gone wrong and now she has this really weird hair.)

McGonagall walked up to Hermione, Tiffany and Ron and demanded "What were you three thinking?"

Tiffany attempted to form an excuse on the spot and failed.

But then Harry walked up.

"It was my error and my fault, Professor. I had recently read an informative novel on Mountain Trolls and assumed I could overpower the one in this bathroom. It seems that I have been more than a tad bit arrogant in believing that I had the ability to do so."

The look on Ron's face said one thing:

 _Huh?_


	3. Harry, Kid, It's A Long story

He's A Nightmare, Honestly Ch. 3

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-{Author's Tiny Section}-

-So, if there are any suggestions for anything here, feel free to put it on reviews, or you could also PM me. Choose one… or both.

-Are there any fics you guys recommend?

-Any authors you recommend?

-I'm planning to make this around 7 chapters, because well it's lucky.

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-=[Just A Little Question…]=-

Harmony or Hinny?

(read my profile for my answer XD)

 **|NOW ON TO THE FIC|**

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After McGonagall had her long speech about how Harry was cough cough acting immature, cough cough, the five of them were shakily heading down the corridor.

"Harry," began Hermione, (Yes! Harry finally remembered her name!) "It was really good of you to get us out of trouble like that."

"Well don't mention it," replied Harry.

But then Audrey switched the topic. "But more to the point, are you okay? I mean you seemed pretty, um- pretty- pretty…"

"Upset?' offered Hermione.

"Triggered?' offered Tiffany.

"Scary?' offered Ron.

Everyone burst out laughing at the last one. Harry looked mock mortified.

"Am I all _that_ scary? I don't think so."

"Oh, of course, you definitely are," exclaimed Ron truthfully, who actually looked mortified from reliving the memory.

"The word I was looking for is dysphoric," added Audrey, who had a penchant for eloquent words, just so she could confuse everyone.

"What?" asked everyone sans Harry.

"Well keep on walking, boys! You can't just stand there!" exasperated a smirking Tiffany beside a sniggering Hermione and an Audrey that tried to keep a straight face, as the boys did look a tad bit ridiculous, not moving while everyone attempted to dodge them.

"Oh!" said the two boys.

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Back in the common room, Tiffany was attempting to write sheet music with a quill and making a rather blotchy quarter note. Oh whoops. Ron was trying to do potions homework with Hermione questioning him about chess in the background. Meanwhile, Audrey was trying to read her textbook without her green tinted glasses (she was dyslexic) for a challenge.

 **(A/N from AProudSlytherpuff, BookOwl's unofficial beta: "I don't know why I agreed to this." - Audrey Winters)**

 **(A/N from The BookOwl Who Lived: I made you do it, Aud.)**

 **(A/N from AProudSlytherpuff: I love how Audrey has an extensive vocabulary that is utterly useless except when trying to confuse people but is still dyslexic. Don't question it, guys.)**

Harry, however, was up in the boys' dorm with the door locked. He was perched the rickety, dodgy chair in front of the writing desk with a violin. He used a stack of books as a stand. No one really knew he played and he hoped to keep it that way. Besides the whole world already knows how he became an orphan. He didn't need them to know he was a violinist too. Only Tiffany really knew that. She was the one who convinced him to play it instead of the clarinet in primary school. (Audrey, who was a clarinet player, protested.) He had personally told her to shut up about it. The only other thing they didn't know about was the extreme abuse he suffered at the Dursleys. Besides Tiffany, Hermione knew to an extent and Audrey knew a lot. They shut up on that too.

Harry was also aware that directly translated from Chinese, violin translates to "small lift piano", (小提琴) thanks to Audrey. Them three now always referred to it as the Small Lift Piano. He could hear Tiffany and Audrey talking, more like screaming downstairs and caught small segments of their conversation, as follows.

" _ **BUT THAT'S NOT FAIRRRRRR**_ "

"Too bad."

"Wait, what textbook is this?"

"Hogwarts, A History, why?"

"Oh, nothing."

He wondered what the heck was going on until he heard thumping on the stairs. Just then, he heard an _Alohomora!_ And the door swung open and Audrey barreled through, almost knocking the bow out of his hands.

"Oi, Har-Har, have you seen my OpenDyslexic font copy of _Hogwarts A History_?"

"Um no-"

"Oh! Found it," Audrey pulled a book out of the stack of books Harry was using to prop up his sheet music.

"How'd it get in here?" asked Harry.

"I dunno, but gotta go!" and with that, she slammed the door.

He relocked the door and replaced the textbook she took away with another one that he found on Ron's bed. Audrey and Tiffany were screaming downstairs again. He continued to play Vivaldi's _Summer_ when Audrey unlocked the door again and said

"Er sorry to bother you, Harry, but have you seen my copy of Hogwarts, A History in the font Dyslexie?"

"Umm no, but why do you happen to need it if you have the other copy?"

"Harry, kid, it's a long story."

"Hey! Just because I'm younger than you does not mean you are allowed to call me 'kid' at any given moment. Clear? Good. now leave."

"Yes boss," groaned Audrey, who slammed the door.

A few minutes later, poor Harry was startled by Tiffany's loud shriek.

"I QUIT!"


End file.
